Scene for two men
David Ethan Kennerly. 5 November
2002.
Officer
Pilbox: US Army
Lieutenant at recruiting center, 26.
Sergeant
Balzuc: US Army
Staff Sergeant at recruiting center, 32.
[US Army recruiting
center. Boxy desks. Posters with smiling, uniform-wearing
soldiers with rifles and gas masks waving cover a backstage wall. Text of a poster reads “One billion
served!” Officer’s desk has box of
donuts on it and coffee.
Sergeant’s desk has picture of little league player on it. Both desks have matching military
placards, phones, insignia, name card trays, pen holders, Army letterhead. Both members are dressed in Class “B”
US Army regulation uniforms, which are light green short-sleeve shirts, with
black clip-on ties, dark olive pants, and glossy black shoes. Various candy-sized awards decorate the
breast. Rank insignia appears on
the collar’s lapel, and matches the corresponding desk insignia.]
[Phone rings. Officer
puts down his donut.]
Officer: 441st Recruiting Office of
California, US Army. Lieutenant Pilbox.
How may I delegate your call?
(Talking.) This is Lieutenant
Pilbox. Speak up and state your business! (Yelling.) Oh.
No I didn't know-- (Yelling.) Forty-percent? Well, we were busy with the new posters and-- (Yelling.)
Uh. Uh. No, excuse.
Yes-sir! One-hundred percent patriotic! Yes sir! Day
and night! Right away, Colonel!
(Yelling.) By Friday? (Yelling.) No, Sir. I mean-Yes Sir. Friday! Friday! Friday! Forty-percent up and at'em. No,
sir! No sweat. Piece o' cake, Colonel! (Yelling!) No,
sir! I'm taking it seriously. I'll
have military strength reinforced by forty-percent by the end of the week.
[Sergeant looks up from his desk and mouths "O
shit."]
[Officer hangs up phone]
Officer: Sergeant Balzuc.
Sergeant: Yup.
Officer: Our branch of the
recruiting is down forty-percent!
What do you have to say for yourself?
Sergeant: Whoa, there, sir. Lay off coffee. Breath mint?
Officer: Sergeant! You will have military personnel
strength up to strength by the end of the week. Do I make myself clear?
Sergeant: Well, I'll do my best.
Officer: You will not leave this
office until you do!
Sergeant: But I got my son's
baseball...
Officer: You have your orders!
[Officer storms out]
Sergeant: ... game. (sighs)
Sergeant: How the hell am I going to
pull this out of my ass? Hmm.
(Goes over to Officer's desk and
picks up phone book. Eats the rest
of his donut.) Hmm. Heh. (Dials number on phone) (Talking)
This is Seargant Balzuc, at 441st Recruitng. Do you realize the threat we're
facing? The entire fate of the
world is at stake. It's time for
every person to do his patriotic duty.
(Talking.) I'd hate to have to call up and ... you know. (Talking) You know... Times are not
looking good. But if you join now,
I can at least guarantee you a safe job.
You know? Why be exposed to
combat when you can do... greater things.
Like planning? Logistics,
perfect for you. (Talking)
Uh... well, it's, uh, (He reads.) The distribution and transportation of
equipment and ... (Talking) Or, here's one for you: Morse Code
Interceptor. Don't worry about
that. It's guaranteed. Anywhere you want. Sure. (Talking) Then I'll see you at 4 a.m. sharp. (Yelling) It's for national security. What did you say your name was again?
(Talking) Pilbox? (Talking) No
relation to a Lieutenant Pilbox?
[Fade to black.]
[Curtain falls.]